I Am The Un Herd

• Mikaela Hay, Grade 8
• Poetry
• 2014

Have you ever felt like you don’t know what’s going on anymore?
You’ve lost your motivation to do anything. Your confused about your feelings and don’t know how to explain them.
You have a feeling of emptiness and a feeling that no one is there for you. That’s feeling that no one understands you anymore.
And there seems like there is nothing to look forward to. Days arnt really days, there just obstacles needing to be faced.
Do you have any idea to not want to get out of bed in the morning and face the world?
Do you know how it feels like to feel alone even though you’re surrounded by millions of people? How about how it feels to be completely repulsed by the thing you used to love.
To be completely lost in the dark and don’t know if there’s a way out? To have no strength to feel like you can’t make it through the whole day let alone the next one. Without breaking down?
To not be able to express your feelings in anyway, so you just sit there.
To have everyone constantly asking if you’re ok to the point where nobody asks anymore, making you wonder if they notice or if they even care.
To have no energy to do anything, to feel completely worthless.
To hate who you are and the way you look. To feel like you have no control over anything you do or feel? To know you don’t belong.
To feel trapped inside a world of ugly things, but yet you’re scared about what’s on the other side. To be hurting constantly.
To know there’s no one to save you from how you feel. To know that the only one that’s really hurting you is yourself. And yet all you can do it sit there and wait for the feeling to pass.
And it never really does. It’s a constant cycle.
Some people wonder what depression is like. Depression is like a tornado,
there’s nothing you can do but sit and wait. You are left with the destruction.
The scars on your body, the puffy eyes from crying, the exhaustion from fighting a losing battle.
It’s consuming. Every day it seems like everyone is moving on with their lives, while im stuck in this hole that I can’t get out of.
Depression is like a storm. It starts slow, eating away at you slowly,
then it becomes stronger, and causes more damage. Then it stops. So you think your fine.
That it’s getting better. Like it’s safe to go outside again. And enjoy the little things in life. Kind of like the eye of the storm.
Then out of nowhere, it hits you, knocking you down, harder than before, until you’re no more
. It swallows you. Clogs your vision. So then you can’t see.
How close to ending it is, and some don’t make it. Thinking that the only way to stop the storm, is the stop themselves.