I Tried

• Michael Zaccardo, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2015

People despised me for being who I was, but no matter what, no matter how friendly a person I could have been, the face of evil always laughed in the lap of true justice. It seemed that only those who conformed to immoral ideals, reaped rightful rewards. Day and day passed, just like the tolerance I once had, and more and more I grew angry, enraged with what I saw. I and many others were just nobodies that were pushed, shoved, and isolated from the rest. My faith, my religion taught me to love, but my natural urge was to hate. I hated to the point of envy. The world I observed was filled with love for haters', and hate for lovers'.
I tried to help the school’s entity. I once made an attempt for school captaincy, to change the evil that lurked in that valley of darkness, and to end the adversity that weighed us down. I asked God to give me this honour, but he did not. I was denied by the popularity of my enemy, who hadn't the slightest of moral dignity.
I tried to help the people around me. I once brought a bag of lollies to school, to give to those who cannot otherwise buy lollies. I asked God to insure the pleasure of my gifts, but he did not. Rather than give to people I promised, they were taken from me, and consumed with laughter as my hands lay bare before those waiting.
I tried to help myself. I once bought an expensive watch with money I earned working, to gain the attention and respect I deserved from my peers, and to change my horrendous perceptions of people. I asked God to give me the privilege of friendship, but he did not. Instead people referred to me as a 'pretty boy'. The following day I saw people gathering around a table with great anticipation, to look at the school captain's new watch, that his parents bought him.
Then I realised that God didn't work that way, and I gave up trying to save the world and its people, and disregarded everything I believed in. The greed, the selfish, the hatred had become me. I unwillingly succumbed to the shadow I feared. I acted immoral, I bullied, I stole, and I conformed to the ideals I knew were wrong. As a result I was loved for being a hater, people remembered who I was for something I knew I wasn't. I hated myself, and in return, I asked God for forgiveness.