I Was Once...

• Brittany Blair, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2015

I was once one of those kids that laughed, played and enjoyed being me. That one little girl that never stopped smiling, was very shy but happy to make friends, that little girl that never gave up on other people and in herself.
I was once that happy little girl...that was until I grew up and everything changed.
How did they start? How did they start picking on me?
For I have no idea.
Was it because I had returned back to primary school? Did they not want me back at school? Had I changed in some way they did not like?
I do not know, but what I do know is that it was me they hated and me they wanted to destroy.
For the rest of my primary school days I was picked on, used because of my good heart and sort-of-smart brain. With my good heart it was hard for me not to forgive them of their cruelty, for the nasty things they did to me. I always ran back to them, considered them my "friends", when really truly they we're not.
Three years this went on. Three years of the same school. Three years of being used and treated badly. Three year of my life wasted. Not one day went by without me crying on the walk home from school. Every day the same as the last. The cycle never ended, always on repeat.
High school came. My life changed again...but for the better. I gained true friends, ones that treat me nicely and respect me like I should have been.
Those bullies in primary school came to the same high school as me but I never talked or saw them again.
But...just because I never saw them or talked to them does not mean that I forgot what had happened. The past was still there. I tried to forget the past. I let my future take a hold of me and left the past behind. I became the happy (not so little) girl again and finally felt grateful of life.
That was until the end of eighth grade. Until this memories came crumbling back. My life slowed down. I felt myself feeling weak, alone and sad again.
Just like I had in primary school. I started pushing people away, getting frustrated with them because of all the hurt they were doing.
Now in grade nine, I still feel the same. I am alone, sad, angry with the way my life has turned out, guilty and like no one can help me.
Friends, family, strangers, doctors, councillors, anyone...they just cannot help me. No one knows what I have been through. No one can ever help me.
My heart hurts every day. That will never change.
So someone...help me please. Help me be the happy little girl I use to be.
The girl I wish to be. The girl I want to be. The girl I have to be. Someone help me, please. Take away my pain.