Water

• Gemma Srijan, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2015

I stared out into the night and watched how the waves softly crashed upon the rocks as they came into shore. The wind ran through my hair, bringing it over my face and clinging to the moist residue of my tears.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t worth anything? That if you disappeared off the face of the earth, not even your so-called ‘closest friends’ would notice. The feeling of being alone, not having anyone to comfort you, to wipe the last tear from your cheek, to tell you that everything’s ok. That you were always in it alone.

These feelings were more than familiar to me. They were almost my way of life. I had become so accustomed to being alone that I didn’t remember the feeling of company. So used to being independent that I stopped asking for help. So distant that I never tried to return.

I was too scared to let someone in because deep down I knew that they would walk through and exit me, causing more pain than before. Each scar deepening and my trust and hope weakening.

I tilted my head down and looked below me. I watched as my legs dangled lifelessly off the edge of the pier. The light of the moon reflected off the water, causing a magical blue glow, illuminating my body and surroundings.

It was times like this where I wish that everything could just reset, that I could start over and change everything, all of the things that I should have done.

Speaking up when my father abused our family day in and day out. Packing up and leaving before it was too late. Stopping my mother from pulling the trigger. If only I’d done something. But fear said otherwise. It held me captive in its grasp so I couldn't move. It invaded my thoughts like an evil fog, but the fog never lifted.

Regret infected me like a plague, a plague that I was yet to find the remedy for. It was a burden that I felt was impossible to ever lift. It was the weight that I carried but was never able to hold above my head. Something that no matter how much I tried, couldn’t overcome.

Another tear escaped from my eyes but I didn’t bother to wipe it away. Instead I let it fall down my face and into the water below. I closed my eyes and listened to the oceans call. It was comforting and persuading. I felt as if it were summoning me and assuring me that it would all be ok.

I looked down once more and calculated my fall. ‘About 3 meters wouldn’t hurt anyone’ I thought as I shuffled closer to the edge. I shut my eyes and leapt forwards, hearing my body crash against the oceans surface. The cool moist substance swallowed me whole and I watched as I drifted further away from the sky.

As the sky faded, all I could do was smile.