Old Time Western Heroes

• Luke Gallagher, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2007

It was a dark and stormy night when Bubblegum Bill, (don’t let his name fool you) and his gang, the Bubblegum Bandits, stormed the bank of Wildwildwestville.
“Grab whatever you can boys, and let’s skedaddle,” yelled Bill, jumping onto his black stallion with a bag full of loot.
Not long after, Oliver Sudden, town sheriff was on the case.
“This looks like the work of the notorious villain… Bubblegum Bill!” Oliver exclaimed to his team of deputies.
“How do you know that?” inquired the rather ravishing Iona Bigyot.
“Two simple reasons Iona,” Oliver said with a slight smile. “First of all, Bubblegum Bill is the only bandit alive daring enough to rob the downtown bank. And secondly, someone left their famous Bubblegum Bandannas behind.”
“We’ll need to get some clues that will lead us to Bill,” suggested Urika Garlic, Oliver’s third cousin’s nephew’s best friend, (in a small town everyone’s related to everyone somehow). “Good thinking Urika,” said Oliver. “Lets get cracking team!”
Bill was a rather bright crayon, but compared to him, the rest of his gang were dull grey. So in no time the deputies had a saddle full of clues which led them to Ed Banger, the owner of the shadiest pub in town, the Stain on the Wall Pub. Oliver didn’t even need to get out his pearl handles for Ed to spill the beans.
“Where’s he hiding?” asked Oliver coolly.
“He hides out in the Paddle-pop palace,” answered Ed quickly.
“Well, since you’re of no further use…” Oliver said as he stood up. Ed turned a pale white sensing his end was near. “…We’ll have six ginger-whiskies.”
“To go or eat in,” said Ed shakily, as relief washed over his face.
“To go thanks.” And a jelly horseshoe please.”
The team found the Palace quicker than a runaway train. As they approached the entrance a rifle shot was heard.
“I’d go back if I were you, Oliver Sudden!” shouted Bubblegum Bill.
“Ed Banger must have tipped him off,” said Helen Back, who had actually been to hell and back, (but that’s a different story). Oliver kept Bill talking while the deputies planted dynamite in the entrance. With a swish of a horse’s tail Oliver turned and shot the fuse, which sparked to life.
“KA-BOOM.’ Paddle-pop splinters fell like rain and as the dust settled Bill was the only bandit left standing. He was holding a rope that stretched across the beautiful, sunlit desert.
“When I pull this rope, the towns Water Barrel will come crashing down, washing away half of Wildwildwestville,” he said revealing his master plan to destroy the town. But all of a sudden, Oliver Sudden tapped into that mysterious Sheriff force that slows down time which happens a lot in untrue stories), whipped his pearl handle out of hits holster and shot the rope from Bill’s hand, quicker than John Wayne. Bill was so shocked that he couldn’t move
“Bubblegum Bill, you’re under arrest.”