I Hate Cavemen

• Teagan Bingham, Grade 6
• Short Story
• 2015

BANG “UGH UGH.” I hear from the small cave down below the branch that I lie on knowing that it could only be those two idiotic cavemen being well… idiots. I jump from one branch to another until I reach a spot where I can see the entrance to the damp, soggy cave. I notice another small figure moving through the leaves obviously coming to see what all the fuss is about. I then see it’s my dear friend Chipmunk “Hi squirrel those cavemen are so stupid.” she whispers I answer back saying “Yeah I know and you don’t need to whisper it’s not like those Neanderthals will hear us.” She laughs a high pitched girly laugh while a wide grin covers her chubby face and she says “Ok but I mean it, they are pretty stupid.” now we both chuckle.
I hear more movement from the cave and then the two cavemen clamber out holding long branches with sharp rocks tied to the end of them. They start to walk around with their backs slouched and legs flying haphazardly in every direction. They move further into the forest pointing at every living thing such as ants to butterflies and possums to foxes. Chipmunk and I move along the branches watching the cavemen while they (try) to communicate with each other “UG UG.” One says as it notices Chipmunk and I in our branch his friend obviously understands because his gaze falls on us as well. The cavemen start getting closer and I panic “RUN!” I call to Chipmunk she doesn’t need telling twice for she immediately runs back to the tree over the cave. “Not that way.” I try to tell her “Any where’s better than being near them.” she calls back.
We both stand on a branch hoping that we lost them when we hear rustling and see the cavemen directly underneath us pointing upwards. We start to run again but both lose our grip on the branch and fall straight down into their clutches. The caveman starts to walk with me in his large grubby hand, back to the cave where Chipmunk and I are destined to be dinner. When we reach the cave Chipmunk squeals and I see why, the cavemen have started a fire with a stick over it so that they can roast us ALIVE! I start trying to wrestle my way out of the caveman’s hand with no luck, I suddenly have an idea and call out to Chipmunk “BITE THEM.” “WHEN?” she yells back, fear in her voice “ON 3.” I call ready for action.
“1… 2… 3.” I start to chew and nibble at the caveman’s hands. I know my plan is working, the caveman is calling out in pain then drops me. I run along waiting for Chipmunk who has been dropped as well. We climb up to higher braches then rest in the tree tops still puffing “you know what.” I say “I hate cavemen.”