Darkness

• Amy Brauer, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2015

I find it hard to find the good in life. To see the cup as half full instead of half empty. Over and over again I am told to ‘Look on the bright side’ or ‘Be more positive’. Yet, no matter how hard I try, Darkness creeps back into my mind, blocking out these happy thoughts.
Darkness and I are old friends, although I quite can’t remember since when. Maybe it was the first time I was bullied, when I was called ‘Four eyes’. Or maybe the first time I failed and doubted myself, letting Darkness become nourished off my self-doubt and fears. All I knew is that from a young age Darkness and I were constant companions, him clinging to me everywhere I went.
Sometimes I barely even noticed he was there, simply another shadow in the already dark world. However sometimes Darkness could be so heavy, as if I am walking for two people instead of one. Each step like walking through mud at waist height, greedily grabbing me, pulling me deeper into his embrace. Yet every time I fought on, struggling with all my strength to continue, to complete my goal. Just like any other day.
However, with each day passing lately, it has been getting harder. Darkness is more demanding now, demanding my attention like a little child. No matter how I try to ignore his whispered comments, his insistent commands, I can’t block it out completely. Darkness has begun to consume me, twist me into this creature that I see as a reflection.
It’s a struggle to remember who I am and why I’m here, as he melds to me. I think people are beginning to notice as well. This change in me as he takes over is becoming more obvious. Yet they say nothing, just give me a peculiar look before walking away. Is this why Darkness is taking over? Because he knew that no one would care? An easy target? Easily controlled?
Sometimes it’s hard to make a decision but this one was easy. No one would notice if I was swallowed whole by Darkness. No one would care if I never saw light again. These thoughts made it all too easy to completely give myself to him.
The sun is shining but everything I see is dark. No light enters my world now. I am blind to it. There is no escape from this inky blackness that is swallowing me whole. Just black on top of black. No grey. No blue. No white. Completely devoid of light. There is no chance for me to step forth from this darkness. Yet before he consumed me completely, I dreamed. I dreamed that someone would stop me from being devoured.
It was with this thought, I tried to struggle. Grasping for anything, a hand, a rope. The need of leverage to pull myself from the darkness.
A beam.
Its strength...
Gone.