Paralyzed

• Jessie Ryan , Grade 9, St Joseph's School
• Short Story
• 2016

Excellence Award in the 'Top Secret 2016' competition

I am shivering like a leaf, I have a gun in my hand that feels like it weighs about 50kgs and I need to drop it. But I am scared. I don’t want to show it even though I probably am. I can feel the cold sweat dripping off of my nose. The only thing in my mind is… ‘What will happen if I drop it? Will he shoot?’ It is playing over in my head like a recording. My heart is pounding out of my chest when I see his face. It’s not his whole face, it was only a glimpse I saw when a flash of light came from a car driving past but oh boy it was enough. Enough for me to know that if he saw me even just flinch, he is not afraid to shoot.
I know I am going to drop this gun, there’s not a doubt in my mind. I have to do something. Anything. At that moment without even knowing it I see him fall. I didn’t even hear the gunshot because my head is running wild with thoughts. But I can smell the smoke. The thick dark grey smoke now lingering in the air around me. As I breathe it in he slowly falls to his knees. He’s staring right at me, hasn’t even looked at the red hole in his chest oozing out with dark red, almost black blood. His eyes have widened in shock, his skin is turning from a normal skin colour to the colour of snow. His mouth has come open and he is hacking away at the air trying to keep himself alive. The blood is so thick that it is taking forever to drip off of his shirt. Then he falls face first onto the cold hard cement.
I want to go. I want to run away and never come back. I can’t. I am paralysed with fear. I can feel my body trembling all over. I am afraid to look at the crowd, but I can’t help myself. Out the corner of my eye without moving my head I look over and every pair of stunned eyes is on me. Not one pair on the body. Their mouths are hanging open like they have been stretched. At that point I see one lady reach for her phone. I turn away. My legs still won’t move and I feel like I am in quicksand. I know now that the cops will be here any second. If feels like time has stopped. I can see everything moving around me. The cars. The crowd. The smoke from my gun that is gradually lowering and disappearing. Everything is still moving except me. I know that I can’t get out of this. Not now. Not ever.