Understanding Fluffs

• Rex Sparke, Grade 6
• Short Story
• 2016

I know this is not normally a polite topic of conversation, but going to a boys school,
and being a boy, i thought it might be particularly relevant to understand a little more about this normal body function.

As introduction, and in an effort to be
socially correct, some of the
common words for gas, include
backfire, break wind, cut the cheese,
fluff, shoot a fairy, windy pop,
spook, trouser cough or a botty banger.

They all refer to the same thing, which is,
the gas released from the bottom.

Firstly I'd like to explain how,
and why, we produce gas.

Basically, food we eat, that contains fibre,
is processed and digested
in the stomach.

Bacteria in our large intestines breaks it down more, producing gas as a result.
This gas is a mixture of carbon dioxide, hydrogen, methane, nitrogen and
sulphur dioxide.

Its the sulphur dioxide that is the
most offensive.
It is completely normal, and a sign of
a healthy diet to produce gas.

Everyone does it.
This brings me to my next question...
How much does everyone do?

Well..
that depends a lot on the individual,
on their diet,
on the amount of food they eat,
and the types of bacteria in their intestines.

But, on average, a study conducted by
my Grandmother Dr Rosemary Stanton,
and another specialist,
proved that around 7 pops for women and around 12 wind breaks for men, per day,
was normal.
This equates to an average volume of
one and a half litres of gas per day.

Have you ever wondered how the noise
is made when someone releases gas?

The sounds are produced by
vibrations of the bottom opening.
The volume and pitch depend on the
speed of expulsion of the gas, and also on the tightness of the bottom muscles.

It is not generated by the flapping,
or the size of the butt cheeks.

My final question relates to how I can
use gas to my best advantage....

For example, I wonder if releasing my
gas at high pressure can
accelerate my running speed?

Probably not, but it may deter anyone
running behind..

Either way, a good reason to be in the lead at the cross country!