I Was Afraid To Help

• Amelia Stutterd-walsh, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2017

He was screaming at everyone. What he was saying didn’t make any sense. Some people pretended he was invisible, others walked past quickly, glancing back with fear evident in their eyes. He didn’t notice me watching him, he was lost in his own world. I’d seen him earlier, walking into his therapist appointment. He looked very different then. Tonight, he was a beautiful tragedy. His blonde unruly hair was everywhere, having been pulled and shaken around in his fit. His face had a pink tinge from his yelling and he almost looked graceful as he paced the park in rage.
People were long gone. I stayed. I stood there and watched him. His yelling was hard to comprehend but I could hear one word loud and clear. Filthy. His pacing came to a halt and he slowly sat down on the path, sitting with his head in his hands. I heard heavy sobs erupt from him, the sound ripping through the park. I wanted to help. I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that everything was alright, but I couldn’t. I was afraid to help. No, I was afraid of him.
His body shook as the sobs flowed through him. His tears stained his frayed jeans and I frowned. I want to help I thought. Suddenly, he lifted his head up to meet my eyes. He looked…embarrassed? He quickly wiped his tears away, stood up and began to walk away. Something erupted within me and I felt my legs swiftly approaching him, and I stared at his broad shoulders in panic as I got closer. “Tate!” I blurted out. Tate turned and looked at me, surprised. “Are you OK?” I said quietly, walking to stand close to his tall frame. Tate looked at me weakly before standing up straighter and putting on his brave face. “I’m fine.” he replied gruffly, trying to clear his throat after all of his crying.
There was a moment of silence, before he turned away, “Wait Tate, come on you can tell me what’s wrong.” I leaned forward and reached for his arm. He yanked his arm away as his breathing picked up again. “No. I. Can’t!” he shouted. “You don’t get it! No one gets how filthy everything in this world is! I am the only one who sees the real world! I am the only one who can see how awful it is and how we should never have existed here! Now get away because you can’t help just like everyone else!” Tate glared at me with so much rage and anger in his eyes, it burned me. I turned around and ran.
When we were younger, we spent so much time together. I thought I knew him. But as I watched him cry and scream in my face, I realised that I had never known him. Tonight, I learned more about my neighbour in 10 minutes than I had learned in 10 years.