Existentialism

• Braden Wilkes, Grade 11, Sutherland Shire Christian School -
• Short Story
• 2018

Excellence Award in the 'Horizon of Dreams 2018' competition

I stand on the edge of a cliff, looking into the endless expanse that is the universe. On the brink of everything, yet the verge of nothing, and I ponder.

The scale of everything within my focus, existence itself explored in an instant, yet the inconsequential reality of it all is eerie. I’m a human, one of seven billion, taught I am unique, yet forced to act the same. I exist on a rock, traveling around a flame, suspended in an emptiness that is filled with trillions of flames, and so how can I be special?

Death, snuffs out the flame, a peaceful end to the eternal turmoil within everyone, yet a scary fringe from which no sane man returns. It is around us always, everything feeling its pull, an iron anchor dragging everyone into despair. But what is life without death? Does it lose its worth if it is impossible to lose?

I am drawn towards a playground in which I find myself, not just present but past and future. We all sit upon three swings, a boy to my left, an elderly man to my right. They both share a dream, one in which we can escape, where we could take flight like birds, and be free of the pain of the world. Yet their dream is flawed, and as I see the man topple from the height of his swing I trudge away, unwilling to see the consequences of my life, chasing a dream that was unachievable.

I stumble upon my grave, surrounded by emptiness. A cemetery with a sole soul. Above the grave rests my headstone, shaped from lifeless, black slate, my name etched in sickly silver. Below this was scratched an epitaph of my life, reading ‘a dreamer who forgot how to dream’, a fact I knew all too well. So, I sat down, right there, becoming acquainted with the earth I should spend eternity amidst. Why did I exist? Was there purpose to my life? What deeper meaning had I missed throughout eternity?

Surrounded by an endless drone of silence, emptiness that coincides with my existence, I felt the universe collapse in upon me, as my mind shatters under the weight of awareness. My life is and was inconsequential to the sands of time, so why am I here? I wasted my life, and am wasting my life, by doing nothing I affect no-one, while also affecting everyone. Dreams are a pale reflection of the impossible, a worthless preoccupation ensnaring the multitudes. As the world crumbles people entertain themselves with impossible fantasies that are unachievable. Are dreams real? Is life real? Can anything be real, or is it all in my own head? Have I deceived myself into a false world? Was I alone all along?

And so, I stand on the edge of a cliff, looking into the endless expanse that is the universe. On the brink of everything, yet the verge of nothing, and I ponder, do I dare disturb the universe?