Panic

• Sarah Angel , Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2018

Alive!
Still alive.
Alive … again.
Awakening was hard, as always. The ultimate disappointment. It was a struggle to take in enough air to drive off nightmare sensations of asphyxiation. Calla lay gasping, shaking with the force of effort.
When Calla finally caught her breath, the warm morning sun was already streaming through the gaps in her curtains. The blinding piercing light laying on her eyes as she fought off the exhaustion of not sleeping for most of the night. Hours passed within the time that felt like seconds. Ticking. Towards the dreaded moment when she would have to face the realism of life. If only she could sleep forever.
Going to school was bad. She had no friends. She was failing. And she had panic attacks on a daily basis. The day started like every other. Sitting in a boring class with a boring teacher lecturing a half-asleep class. Ms Alvarez, the English teacher was droning on about the use of commas and their importance when she calls out;
“Calla? Did you hear my question?”
“Ummm…”
She felt her chest tightening. Her airway narrowing. Losing grip on what was real or not. She knew she had to get out of there soon.
Calla didn't even realise that she jumped out of her seat and sprinted out of the classroom until she reached the girl bathrooms. She sprinted towards the stall the furthest from the door, slammed it shut, locked it and slid down the wall as she felt her panic attack wash over.
Calla felt the panic begin like a cluster of spark plugs in her abdomen. Tension grew in her face and limbs, her mind replaying the last attack. Her breathing became more rapid, more shallow. She hit speed-dial for Aaron, no answer. She called again, her heart racing faster - no answer. Again - no answer. Again -no answer. No Aaron. Calla's eyes scanned her other contacts and the panic grew. In seconds she was curled tight in the bathroom stall, her only movement the trembling of her limbs and salty tears darkening her sleeves.
She was done with everything. Running to the ledge over the tracks that she had spent many days sitting there and thinking. Calla was ready to end it all. She was done. Couldn’t take it anymore. It was too hard for her. “I’m sorry Aaron. I love you.”
Spreading her arms, seeing the oncoming object.
3...
her final seconds,
2...
She took a breath
1...
and jumped...