A Child's Pain

• Sarah Hennessy, Grade 7
• Short Story
• 2018

I have a secret. On the surface I look overjoyed, always making everyone laugh but internally I am breaking. Every day it gets worse, and there is nothing that anyone, including me, can do about it.
My smiling facade veils the hurt and fragments of my broken heart. No one should feel this way. Sorrow, distress. Now I can’t recognise joy. It’s like the world is coming to an end, but it’s only mine that is.
Every night crying in my bed, I consider everything that is forming these emotions. I try to think of all the incredible things that are happening. But that list is too short to bother thinking about, too short to care about.
Am I being misguided? When did it all begin? Why is it all happening? And most importantly, when will it end? My head spins around these questions all day and night wondering what I’ve done to have this worry, this sadness. After years of thinking, I’ve never found a conclusion.
Happiness constantly evades me. Why be delighted about anything? Birthdays? All you do is get new things and eat way too much junk. Friend catch ups? They always get cancelled. Nothing brings bliss to my soul and nothing can.
If you’re unsure of the pain of putting a smile on your face even when you’re dying inside, feel blessed. If you don’t know how it’s like to be falling apart, you should be grateful. These are things no one should be experiencing. The feeling of having a piece of your heart breaking off daily. Nobody can undo the damage that has taken place.
Eternal sadness is not the healthiest thing. When you’re constantly hurting, and all you want to do is consider. When did my life take this turn? Why me? I always tell myself “You don’t need happiness to live” but the more I tell myself that, the more misled I sound.
Thinking back to my old happy memories, I dream of going back there. Seeing footage of me being myself is enough to almost put a smile on my face. A real one.
Not a soul should sense the pain and ache, the suffering and the depression of feeling like your world is disappearing. But unfortunately, it happens. I keep this deep down inside of me. To make sure other spirits stay joyful, even if mine has to pay the consequences.