Of A Suicidal Man & A Mad Scientist

• Martine Valais, Grade 8
• Short Story
• 2018

Flashlights ran over the ground. The police walked up to the front door and banged on it so that the man inside could escape. They managed to kick it open and barged inside with their guns at the ready.
A detective arrived on the scene. His name was Julian Noggs. A policeman provided him with all the information:

‘In the dead of night, an Approved Person of the Law of Rights Committee in Blacktown City, Sir Isaac Smith Esquire Pty. Ltd., went to every house in the district to check the cleanliness and liveability of their surroundings. At one such house, nobody opened the door. Climbing through an open window, he came to a tall cupboard which seemed to have a dark liquid oozing out of it. He opened it and a dead body fell to the ground.
He called his secretary, who screamed at him to call the police. So Sir Smith snuck back out of the window, whipped out his iPhone 3GS Supreme Goldstriker Advanced, dialled 000, and told the police secretary about his find. You know the rest.’

The detective asked for the evidence.
At this point, a second policeman approached and said: ‘It’s very sad but we only seem to have two pieces of evidence for some strange unknown reason. Here they are.’ And he led the detective into an adjoining room.
Somehow, the only evidence that the entire police force could muster was a body and a cassette.
The detective, being an intelligent person, told both policemen to look harder. He then put the cassette into a cassette player and asked an antique dealer how to turn it on. Meanwhile, his assistant examined the body.
The recording sounded somewhat like this:

*Bzzt… Static…* This is my - *Bzzt* last wil - *Bzzzzzzt* - and testimony. I am about to - *More static* - kill myself so everyone - *Bzzzzt
bzzzt* - ease don’t worry about - *Bzt* - e! - *Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt and static* Thank you for - *Bzzzzzzzt* - ing.’

The detective – being a detective – could clearly tell that this message was a suicide note. Aside from the last sentence, it was all pretty clear.
By this time, the assistant had identified the victim as a student attending the University of Miskatonic, named ??t??t?????? (Avtoktonikos). He was doing a degree in Film studies and majored in directing and acting in horror films wherein he especially enjoyed being the guy who dies at the end – usually by killing himself.
To the detective there was no remaining question. The victim had been acting in a film and had accidentally killed himself. BUT just as he had come to this conclusion, the owner of the house rushed in, crying:

“I killed him! Because I’m a mad scientist and I kill people for the heck of it!!”
He was immediately arrested, identified as the culprit, and carted off to Portugal for trial.