Unburning Fire

• Kristen Hewitt, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2019

It starts as a fire does, slow, unburning, the pushing and prodding of the stake, the pleads for the embers to just take effect. Similarly, in the first moments, you are merely begging for something to happen. Anything. Anything to take away from the tightness in your heart, the feel of something being off. Not right. Then, like a fire, it will flare. And for a moment. For a short, quick moment, everything will seem like it has stopped. The fire is burning too hot, the flare up too harsh. Surely, you cannot survive this. You feel your heart stop beating, your throat closes and the sounds, the lights, they become larger than life. Everything is too much, too soon. Then, it slows. The steady flickering of the flame will burn to the beat of your heart, occasionally the fire will pick up a piece of kindling and burns bigger for a moment. Your heart will keep beating. Faster and faster, as it grows stronger in its objective. It's burning, everything is burning. Your breath will start to come out in gasps. So you add more kindling. Now there’s too much happening, people seem like they are screaming, you will think you are stuck in a cyclone. Until now, you could relate your panic to a fire, you could find the perfect simile to describe what you are going through. Up until now, it seemed as if you could find the words needed to describe the fear. Up until now, it almost seemed rational. Now though, you come back into your body. You're in your daily English class. Your teacher is talking, your classmates dozing off, unaware of everything you have just experienced. Your heart is still beating fast though and you realise, what you thought was people screaming is really just your thoughts--rushing through your head in a tidal wave. Your body feels heavy and you realise that your anxiety is not a fire. It cannot be controlled, described in the way a fire can be. No matter how extensive your vocabulary, you will never be able to find the language needed to make people understand. And so you don't try. You sit there, alone in everything but surroundings, waiting for the fire to burn out.