Keeping My Head Down

• Mikenna Roberts, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2020

I chewed at my fingers and constantly shifted my weight from leg to leg as I stared helplessly at the school gates. Why is changing schools so nerve racking, I mean other people do it all the time it is nothing relatively new.
I took a really long deep breath and walked inside the gates, keeping my head down and trying not to make eye contact, but keeping my head down won’t block out the noise of laughter and chatter amongst me.
Why is everyone glaring at me with those burning stares, why are they giggling and talking about me, is there something wrong with my hair? Does my uniform look weird? Oh someone please tell me!
I get to my assigned locker and begin unpacking my heavy books that weigh down my bag, but was it really the books weighing me down? It could possibly be the pressure of fitting in and setting a good first impression or the uneasy feeling that there is something horribly wrong with how I look.

I half heartedly drag myself to my first class, still of course keeping my head down and avoiding the strange looks I might receive. My heart beat has yet to slow down since I’ve arrived here but I have a feeling it might stay beating the same pace as a race car for the rest of my school years, or it could just be the feeling like I’m going to throw up my breakfast at any time now.

Lunch has arrived, everyone has split into their respective groups leaving me alone, but really what was I expecting no one wants to befriend the new kid. So I keep my head down and trudge my way to the library.

I just kinda sit there once I arrive at the library, books don’t really interest me and my appetite disappeared a long time ago. I can’t even imagine how pathetic I look right now, just sitting there hopelessly and emotionless, everyone probably thinks I’m crazy or just plain weird, but I wouldn’t know how they view me because I’ve kept my head down, so I wouldn’t have to face that harsh reality.

The librarian sat down at my table, it shocked me for I hadn’t seen her coming. She smiles warmly at me and I have to smile back, her happiness just seemed contagious
“You must be new, I’ve never seen you around before” I can’t muster up the courage to reply to her so I just nod
“Have you made any new friends yet?” I look down as a small feeling of shame washes over me
“No not yet” I finally replied quietly, still not making eye contact instead finding the floor a lot more intriguing than her face
“Well here’s a little tip, just keep your head up and smile, it always works for me” She chuckles a little bit and gives me a wink before she takes her leave.

Suddenly I feel like there’s hope for me.