Fear

• Alina Seidel, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2020

Fear. Fear is the nervousness where butterflies whirl round your stomach, except they’re being crushed into a fine powdery dust. Fear is the terror where you’re in a dream and can’t run no matter how hard you try, except you’re aware of every sensation, every ant that crawls across your foot, every breeze that tickles across your skin. Fear is hopelessness, because you know you can’t win and all you can do is hide and hope it doesn’t find you. Fear is how I live. They say courage is when you fight your fear, when you don’t give in to it. In my world, my parents tried to fight it and died. Friends of mine who have tried to fight it have died. Anyone who tries to fight one of them dies. No one knows what they are exactly. Because anyone who’s seen one has died. The attacks started three years ago. Well, less so attacks but more so disappearances. Police eventually linked the disappearances to forests so people stopped going anywhere with too many trees. All that meant was that the things got hungry and came hunting. Sometimes they leave behind a hand or toe. All you can do is hide and run, though some people go into forests to fight. They never come back. People think this is courageous because they’re standing up to their fear even though they might die. Will die. I think they’re all wrong. I think courage is the ability to live with this constant fear that you might be next. I think courage is the ability to leave your family behind when they try to fight, knowing they’ll die. I think courage is the ability to live with the guilt that every day you live, someone else dies because you’re keeping yourself safe. I keep myself and my little sister safe. I run and hide every day. But I know that when my sister is old enough to take care of herself that I will go to a forest, because I know it might keep her safe another day. I will go because I am not courageous. I will go because I can’t live in this fear any longer.