A Bird's Brain

• Tara Seymour, Grade 12
• Short Story
• 2022

I killed a bird today. Wiped its brains off my windscreen. Plucked the bloody black feathers from the grooves of the P-Plate. Technically, the bird killed itself. Kamikazed into the 2010 Mitsubishi Lancer, just as Morrissey was really getting into it. You know, the part about the double-decker bus. ‘Cause if a double-decker bus, crashes into us’- that bit. Yeah, yeah- I appreciate the irony, don’t have a panic. I was parked, which is the real kicker. I'm a real reckless driver, currently sitting on three speeding fines, and yet somehow, just as I’m trying to enjoy a bit of a smoke, a bit of Diet Coke, a bit of The Smiths- when I’m parked, for crying out loud- some magpie decides to end it all, to welcome the Great Beyond via the peeling cobalt hood.

But don’t get sentimental. Don’t get deep. Don’t think, not for a minute, that this is soon to become a metaphor for life’s ups and downs or some other rubbish. I’m only telling you because, well, it’s not like I can tell anyone else. I wasn’t even supposed to be there. I was supposed to be shedding tears alongside every other idiot, supposed to be wallowing and screaming and crying and healing and letting it all out inside the four walls of the auditorium, so after the 90 minute, 4th period funeral we could all get on with our days and go back to pretending nothing happened. The school wanted me to ‘Say a few words. From the heart. No funny business, Kayla. Make them nice. For Phoebe’. I was on the programme. Guest speaker. Stuff that. I’m sorry, but stuff that. They only needed me to distract them from the twisting of their stomachs. 'Here, look. Somebody gave a toss. She had a friend. She didn’t mind what you lot did. Don’t worry. Don’t think too hard. Feel sorry for this poor bugger instead'.

I was working the night it happened. There was something at Nick's place, everyone was going, everyone was pissed. ‘She always went overboard’, they’d tell me later. Nobody forced her to. Wasn’t their fault she walked off with...him. Course not. Yeah, everyone saw. She was tragic. No- nobody heard her yelling. Nobody heard her plead. But he came back looking pretty chuffed, so we assumed it went well. No, didn’t see her after that. Yeah, we heard him brag. No, we didn’t ask about her. We laughed along. Half-yearlies were coming up, ok? Wasn’t exactly Number One priority. She was struggling? Oh. Had no idea. That’s so random. Offed herself? Bit dramatic.

----

There’s brain under the hood still. I gave up cleaning after five minutes, finished my smoke and drove back to school in silence.

You’re up to speed now, pretty much. Geography Exam tomorrow, Maths next week. Grad in a couple of months. After that, well, I’ll let you know if I figure it out. For now, I guess, I’ll just keep driving down this road- bird brains and all.