Signed, Connie

• Daniella O'Toole, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2022

I remember when Teddy took me to see Labyrinth in the theatre when it came out. We both wanted to see Bowie's new fantasy film. Teddy loves fantasy. He quotes Lord of the Rings at me all the time. He just can't stop reading. I mean, he couldn't stop reading.

I guess I got that from him, always reading, watching movies, or listening to music. Anything that will keep my mind quiet. Teddy introduced me to almost all of it. He'd play Iron Maiden to drown out the shouting from the living room and show me The Cure when I was shaking like a leaf from being yelled at one too many times. He even gave me his tattered copy of Frankenstein, his favourite book. It had been read so many times it was falling apart. He was always there with something to distract me when things got bad.

I've been told to write out my emotions. I don't know what they want me to write. Everyone is treating me like I'm about to shatter. I wonder what they think I'll write? That I'm distraught, hurting? Or do they think I'll write them that I'm numb, empty like they keep saying he was? He wasn't like that. He was anything but empty. He was warm and kind, and he'd have done anything to protect me. But the world doesn't care about that. Life is still hard for kids like us. The kids that are never gonna make it.

Looking back, I think he just did what he could to escape reality; maybe Teddy had only loved fantasy so much because he could ignore the fighting, the bullies, everything. The drugs they found in his room definitely support that.

All I want is to curl up on his bed, crying into that copy of Frankenstein and fall asleep to Black Sabbath. Lay under Jareth the Goblin King's watchful eye. That's another thing I miss, seeing all of his blurry Polaroids of us both, getting a place amongst the posters of his favourite movies. His room feels wrong now. Since police searched through it, everything is in the wrong place. It's not his anymore.

Everyone at school won't stop staring at me. I'm the weird girl whose junkie, dealer brother shot up and nosedived off a cliff. I want them all to go away. I want everything to just stop. More than anything, I want a hug from my big brother. I'd do anything to see him again.

I understand why he did it. The world is horrible without him helping me through it, and he didn't have a big brother to hold his hand through everything—he dealt with all of this on his own for his entire life. Well now, I don't have a big brother, and the fall doesn't seem so bad from up here. I'm going to see Teddy again.

So I guess this is goodbye.

Worst regards, Connie; the weird quiet girl with her head always in a book, who no one ever noticed.