Sustain ? Haunt

• Karanonikos Umbalisyyrr, Grade 9
• Poetry
• 2022

I had a dream, a memory, a fantasy, a cup of water at the bar–
All of these at once, because I remember you
But not your face, your voice and maybe not even your name.
Maybe it’s not even you.

Your bird died one day.
You kept feeding it and I asked you why. You said
It’s not really dead, things are only dead when you think they are
And they’ll only be dead when you allow them to be.

Now here you are, faceless, voiceless, and knocking on my door.
Let’s go rock-skipping, you say. Let’s go have a drink.
It’s not really you, just some rotting thing I wrapped in your skin.
Let’s go throw your ashes at the lake, I say. Let’s go fill my lungs with water.

Let the bird die, I said, and you kept feeding it because you loved it.
I don’t care. You’re a lie I keep telling to myself, you’re—
A dream, a memory, a fantasy, a drink that doesn’t drown them out.
But I don’t want to die, you said, so I keep on feeding you.