That Was Then, This Is Now

• Victor Li, Grade 10
• Short Story
• 2008

Hi, my name is Trevor Lasting. My nickname is Everlasting, my best friends just call me Trev for short. Right now I’m twelve going on thirteen and I am attending Endless College. I live with my mum, an international student from Germany and this guy who is good with computers.
There was once a time where I could confidently call myself a student, where I strongly believed in the importance of study and being a good boy, especially after so many countless lectures from my parents, my grandparents and if they were still alive, probably my great grandparents as well! This constant idea of being the perfect student gradually became my principle of life, my identity.
From preschool to the early stages of my secondary school life, I had always kept this identity close to my heart and to that little part of the brain which constantly reminds you of important things, such as waking up early in the morning to catch the early bus to school or to finish that important assignment tonight so that you can hand it in tomorrow morning.
And so after all those years, of wearing this identity that fitted me perfectly like fitting a square into a circle, I had achieved so much, things that I had never intended to achieve, whilst others had wanted their whole young lives. Achievements like being school captain and receiving a half scholarship to Endless, one of the leading and most expensive secondary schools in Sydney. Although, they didn’t really mean anything much to a little boy, who for most of his youth has been pointlessly revolved around studying and being a good boy, without having goals or having the slightest understanding of why I do what I do. But why should I, when my parents are perfectly happy, when my grandparents were proud of me, and I’m sure my great grandparents would’ve been as well.
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That was then, this is now.
Hi, my name is Trevor Lasting. My nickname is Everlasting, my friends call me Trev. Right now I’m fifteen going on sixteen and I currently get my detentions from Endless College. Currently I live in a house with just me and my mum, the German international student has left and went back home to Germany because he misses his parents and the guy who is good with computers becomes rich and we never see him ever again.
At the moment I can feel that day by day, as the days wash by, wearing me down like constant rain slowly eroding away the layers of a rock, my identity of being a student and of being that good boy fade away. But who cares about such a pathetic identity, why study hard,
when you can go out and enjoy life? Isn’t there a saying telling us to live everyday as if your last? And why try and be a good boy, when all the while I know that deep down inside I’m not that kind of a person, isn’t there another saying that tells us to be ourselves? And so as if opening my eyes for the first time I notice that there is so much more to life then the mind of my younger self could ever comprehend.
At this stage I only had two options, close my eyes again, ignore all that I had gotten a glimpse of and a taste of, to take back up my old identity, going back to studying and fulfill my mum’s dreams whilst still not even having my own dreams yet. Or I could choose to accept all that I see as the reality, then try to make as much sense of it as I can, to try and decipher the wrong and rights (if there are such things).
Out of my best judgment I chose to take the more daring and independent path.
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That was then, this is now
Hi, my name is Trevor Lasting. My nickname is Everlasting. I’m eighteen going on nineteen, I have recently been expelled from Endless, right before the weeks of graduation day. I am currently staying at a cheap motel, after being kicked out of the house by my mum.
There was once a time where I could call myself a student, call myself a good boy, but that was a long time ago. Since that time I have done a lot of things that I had promised to myself and to my mum that I would never do, for example getting a girl pregnant before I married her, take up smoking and gambling. The worst of it all was when I left my mum, my mum has been divorced for many years and she already has no one else left to love her and keep her company.
All these bad memories and regrets have accumulated so great that every night as I begin yet another strenuous struggle to try and fall asleep, as I close my eyes, shutting out the darkness surrounding me, just to have to experience a greater darkness that lies within me. In this darkness i see, it seems as though all the evil and wrong that I have done has been shoved into this tiny world of my mind, then is constantly spun and shaken around as if to keep me awake to constantly remind of all that I have done. I guess this is my well deserved consequence, to forever lose sleep and be forced to regret all the bad that I have done.
That was then, this is now.
Hi, my nickname is Everlasting.
Everyday I pray and beg that I may go back to being that same old little, pure and innocent 4 year old, where I enjoyed making so many happy and joyful memories. Back then I would cherish the play times that we had, always ending up in a new place, playing with a new friend, and love the afternoon teas of crackers stuffed with as much slices of cheese, ham and tomato as our tiny mouth’s allowed us to fit. Then after a carefree day at preschool I would go home and enjoy some interesting mathematic puzzles combined with exciting problem
solving questions.
Now I sit by myself on a lonely chair in the middle of a busy park, I realise that really, all that I have to keep me company are these long lost memories that haunt me everyday and night, as I know that I may never live them again. Then for a second time in my life it was as if my eyes truly opened for the first time to reveal the reality that is my life, in the back of my mind I can vaguely remember the memory that I had once said this to myself, in a time very long ago.
My new found clarity, provided me an ultimatum, I could continue with this road to hell or to start a new life, go back to studying and attempt to make up all the wrongs that I had done to my mum, return to that old me, being the great student and that good little boy. The answer I chose was simple, but fate didn’t agree.
That was then, this is now.