Heart Ache

• Tess Thirup, Grade 11
• Short Story
• 2009

It would have been exactly a year and a half today, but it’s not. Many people still ask me the question that has been thrown around for the last 2 weeks, “but why? You were the best couple in our year. You were so cute together. You were going to grow old, get married and have babies together. What happened?”. People walk away from the conversation feeling unsatisfied, yelling back “I bet you two will get back together,” and somehow I’ve come to realise that they are only chasing the same dream I am. A false dream. One that refuses to accept the reality. The reality that, no, we won’t get back together. For a second there I even began to believe what people were saying, we were going to get back together, in fact we had to. It is too late now. For he is once again tasting freedom. The freedom I never gave him. The freedom to go out, surf whenever you want, socialise, do whatever you want. Is that where I went wrong?

“The most amazing person alive. He threw you away? You could have anyone of the earth, but you want him of all people, and he let you get away? He let the best thing that has ever happened to him seep through the cracks. Selfish human” a friend of mine once said. Not in an overly enthusiastic, but in a rather angry tone. What that friend would give to have me love him like I love my ex fellow, my ex fellow will never understand. But he has been unleashed into the wild, and I love him so, but accept that what I did was rather stupid. Accept that now he has been released and partaken in the vicious ceremonies all men wish to experience, one where you cannot go back. For it would be stupid to ask him the question I once hoped he would ask me for the answer I already know; “no”.

We are both as much at fault as each other. We saw it begin to sneak up on us, but let it continue on its journey to a halt, and we were both too lazy to change. To do anything about it at all, for this topic was forbidden, and lay on shaky grounds. If addressed I’m sure it would have been fine, though we let the fire breathing dragon address the issue before we had a chance. All has now failed.

He took well to the change. Does not want to go back because the change is so good. It’s not because he can’t go back down that path, I’m sure he’d find it quite easy. It’s because that path is one he does not want to walk down again. Myself on the other hand, I enjoyed that path dearly and would enjoy traveling along it again. Even though with the pretty flowers beside the path came ugly stumps. That is what is expected, I suppose. You must learn to take the good with the bad. This is something not understood by my ex fellow. Something he could not comprehend. He was unable to function when Mr Bad decided to pay a visit.

Life is better like this. For expectations are less complicated and the decisions made have minimal impact. This was a road we traveled far, but like all roads it came to an end. However we had experiences we would not have had with any other and a million things were learnt. Obstacles have been pushed away and without ex fellow my happiness has been revived allowing me to finally accept fate and move on.