The Days That Changed My Life

• Caitlin Bickerton, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2009

The day things started disappearing

The day things started disappearing, you would look upon the scenes and perhaps you would see a teenage child, jumping for joy in the middle of the street, thinking they were free from discipline forever. Or maybe you would see a small infant, screaming out to the street hopelessly for its mother, or you would see me, same as I had always been, alone, desolate, unloved and never given a second glance sitting on a old wooden bench in silence.

The day I got what I wanted

My whole life I have been bullied like any other kid, rejected from friendship groups, pushed around by the local girl bully. The only thing that was different for me was the reasons they bullied me, which have come to haunt me to this day. They hated and bullied me because they thought I looked different, acted different and even smelled different! (Don’t ask me how they got my scent). Well, I have been fed up with it all my life, even when I have tried to fit in! After a while I realised it wasn’t working, especially when I tried to be class clown and got awkward silences and so called silent giggles directed at myself, not the oh-so-hilarious joke. I tried and tried, but I just got turned down, creating more and more negative talk. I knew I should try to just be myself but nobody liked me anymore as myself as they did when I was putting that personality mask on. From those days; I hated being different. So when I had spare time, I would think of a imaginary world, where none were ever insulted bullied or turned down, a world where no one was unhappy or drowning in their own misery. A world where you were never judged by your looks, only by who you really were.
Click! Off went the lights in my bedroom, to be awakened in the morning. Lying on my bed, staring up at the ceiling. I felt the cool night breeze seep through the window, to gently kiss my face. As I thought about my imaginary world, I felt the insisting tug of sleep, slowly pulling me within its grasp.
*
I squeezed my eyes shut as the blinding light made its way into the bedroom from the windows. Yawning as I got out of bed, moving to the mirror in my bedroom to inspect how bad my hair looked. I went to put my hand through my usual mass of thick red curls and unexpectedly felt straight thin hair, that’s strange...As soon as I could see myself in the mirror, I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at the figure reflected in the mirror. NO WAY. The figure had dead black straight hair that literally looked dead, stony pale skin without a sign of the usual freckles. I pulled at the hair that belonged to me, desperately wanting it to fall off as a wig, just a figure of my imagination; it didn’t. I stared some more at the lifeless figure; grey emotionless eyes, lips drained of all colour and limbs of skin and bone. Realising I was on the verge of having a panic attack, I tried to calm myself down with the progressive muscular relaxation thingy we learnt at school on the floor. Tense and release, breath in and out, feel like you are sinking in the floor- wait too realistic- focus on the rise and fall of your chest- oh my god I can see my ribs sticking out of my chest- After that thought I decided that wasn’t working and decided it was just best not to let myself hyperventilate. I slowly got up to go and have a shower; showers always wash away the bad stuff. After having a shower and avoiding looking in all the mirrors everywhere I lazily walked like my usual self to the kitchen. As I walked in I started to realise nothing man-made had changed; only living things; Mum and Dad. As I stared at the woman who happened to be sitting in my mother’s spot acting like she belonged there, I realised it was my mother; she had those mum features over the black hair, pale skin and ...Oh my god, we almost look exactly the same. Well, the woman who I thought was my mother, sounded nothing like her, “Sweetie, you took your time, come and eat something” it was an emotionless, thin drone coming from her mouth. “Of course” I said in an equally dull tone. I was shocked, especially at how oblivious mum was at the physical changes everyone has seemed to have gone through. I sat down and after that ate my daily breakfast exactly the same as I usually would, only with a bit of hesitation. Those minutes felt like hours and those hours at school felt like days. Every looked exactly the same as I did now; black hair to shoulders with a slight side fringe for girls and a short cut for boys and stony pale skin. The only way to tell the difference between everyone was those familiar marks that now seem very distinctive since it was the only way to tell who was who. Once again, everyone seemed oblivious to this, everyone except me which once again made me feel different. I couldn’t escape it even in this world where no one is different. Over eating my breakfast, I really had thought about how maybe this almost seem like the perfect world I had always dreamt of except it felt more like a nightmare, everyone was the same in every way. Everyone was fairly dull and talked in that same drone. That day felt like it never went by. The weird thing was, everyone looked almost happy, which really scared me. How could you ever be happy or comfortable with a mirror image staring you in the face? School is now like a clone house, people walking the same, talking the same, looking the same, doing everything the same; I THINK I AM GOING INSANE! I seem to be questioning everything these days. As the days seem to fly by, I wonder, is this what I wanted? This perfect world, that to me has now become hell.
The next day, the bells from the church were ringing; everyone was coming out of the houses all dressed in black, looking like shadows. If a bird were to look upon this seen, it would see a mass of black, gathering for some event unknown to a bird. Mum and Dad did exactly the same thing and when I came to the door in my (of course) grey pj’s, they stared at me as though I was an alien at show. “What are you doing? Do you show no respect? You’re clothes are in the closet” Mum said while looking at me from top to toe, raking her eyes over the apparently appalling scene. She didn’t bother to explain about her sudden sharpness and the black clothes, she and Dad just walked out the front door. Ok... I’ll just go and get changed then. Walking up the same old rickety stairs, Opening up my closet’s doors, I found the black dress I never would usually wear, and put it on in a rush. As I hurried towards the church I noticed everyone had the same blank expression, everyone looks as though they’re about to go to a funeral. As I walked into the silent hall, I could hear only the silent pad of feet, making their ways across the vast hall. As I went to find a seat to the side I realised there were people lying on cloths along the walls, their eyes a milky haze and the skin even paler than ours-wait... As I walked over to the bodies I had already come to the correct conclusion. Dead, dead bodies, the faces of- My Aunty, Uncle, Grandparents. More and more I passed as I quickened my pace; my friends, Mimi, Tasha, Luce, Delta, Antea, Julz, Remdog! Face after face I could name, suddenly turning into thick sludge invading my brain. Now I really couldn’t look anymore, they are not real, they are not real. Well, nothing seems to be real these days.
*
The light poured through the window just as it had done befor- Hang on... I quickly got up and ran over to the mirror. I peered in at the reflection. Curly red hair, freckles in every corner visible, olive skin; that’s the real me. To make sure I wasn’t dreaming this time, I rubbed my hands into my face, and slapped my cheeks just in case, pulled my hair, pinched my wrist until I was sure I was awake. I, I must have just been sleeping. My dream had turned out to be a nightmare, a very realistic nightmare.

The day I thought I had it all

The day I wanted too much I first nagged and nagged my mother for the new tamagotchi version 4, “But you already have one” Mum replied, I insisted “But that one’s boring, besides everyone else has the new one and you don’t want me to be left out mummy, do you?”, “Oh of course not sweetie it’s just-””Well there is a sale on and today is the last day and if we wait we have to pay more and dad always says that the best way to buy something is to get it on sale”, Reluctantly she gave in and said “Oh I guess you can”.
A week later, the new I phone came out, and god did I want that. Especially when ‘little miss Penelope’ came to school with the new I phone and bragged about it all day and everyone followed her around like sheep. So after school, I went up to mum while she was still in a good mood, prepared the puppy dog eyes just in case and asked, “ You know how there is the new I phone and that it’s like the latest fashion and a must have, well I want one”, “Are you serious? Do you know how much they cost? They cost a fortune!” Mum replied in a hysterical matter. I thought she was overreacting, “It’s only $800 dollars” I replied like it was the most reasonable price in the world, “Only, you’ve got to be joking, anyway you already have a phone”, “Umm well about my old phone” Mum gave me a big death stare, “It wasn’t my fault! I was on my way to the bus and this really fat guy with a shopping trolley knocked me over when I was trying to text you and it fell out of my hand and got crushed by the wheel and his foot”, I took out the remains of the Samsung flip phone, just to prove how broken it was- I had really smashed it up myself, it was about to die anyway though- “Oh... I guess you will have to get a new one then” Mum said with a sigh. Jumping with joy, I ran out of the room to get ready to get my new awesome phone waiting for me.
The other day, I found out all my friends had joined the Glenworth valley riding school and in the process all got ponies of their own. I so badly wanted a pony; the best pony. Skipping up to mum, I asked while twiddling my thumbs, “Mum you know how I love animals, especially horses, and I love to ride them-”, “Get to the point” Mum said with a sharp edge in her tone. I went on to the main and most dangerous point, “Well everyone else has got a pony and I really, really want one”, “Oh please darling, be realistic. Where would we keep it?”, “Laura offered to help”. Mum shook her head, “No way am I paying for it”, “I have exactly enough and I know exactly the pony, also there is a closing down sale at Horseland and there will be great offers on equipment” I said with a 100% confidence in my voice. I continued with the same motivation, “I’d feed it, groom it, ride it every day and get rid of all the yucky stuff it does”. “Oh whatever, we’ll go tomorrow morning” Mum said grumpily, getting it over and done with so she could lie down in peace. My face lighting up with delight, I chased after her oblivious to her obvious needs and started chatting away about the specific pony and the expensive equipment.
Then the next day I got the new PRADA designer clothes, the next day an adorable puppy called Bubbles, on Sunday an apple macbook (the most awesome computer in the world!) and the best electric scooter ever made (and the most expensive). My dressing table has been stocked and is now overflowing with makeup and jewellery. Oh yeah did I forget to mention I get the biggest room in the house now because I have so much stuff and I get to redecorate it, well I got to after some convincing to my parents.
That day I went to school; showed off pictures of my new possessions, ate my specially made lunch that was made at the most expensive and best restaurant in the world and oh my was it delicious! Then for show and tell, I got Father to bring in Bubbles (my adorable pooch who is a chocolate Labrador), everybody loved her. Then once the school day was over I went to the traffic jammed drive by to wait for mum like I did every day from Monday to Friday. 30 minutes passed; waved my friends goodbye thinking mum was just stuck in traffic like she was sometimes. An hour passed; played on my I phone glancing up from it mid game searching the street for a sign of Suzy (mum’s car which is a Suzuki). Hour and 30 minutes passed; had to stop playing on my Iphone because the battery was low and started to think maybe she had just forgotten? Two hours passed; tried to call mum at reception, no one answered, reception guy suggested I stay at aftercare, I declined. Two hours and 30 minutes passed; found out my tamagotchi had mysteriously died somehow, tried to call mum again, same outcome. Two hours and 31 minutes later; I could hear the loud siren of the ambulance on its way to save the day who knows where. Suddenly the sound of uneven loud footsteps running down the stairs approached towards the front gates where I sat, they turned out as the reception man, his face as white as ash. “You are Priscilla?” he asked nervously almost like he really didn’t want me to reply so he could just walk away and rethink his life. “Umm yeah that’s me, is something wrong?” I replied starting to catch onto his mysterious nerves. “Now this may come as a real shock to you, and I really don’t know how to say it without upsetting you too much-” possibilities rushed out of my mouth, “It isn’t my perfect pony? Or puppykins? Are they hurt? Or did burglars come in and steal all my stuff! Oh no, do you know how expensive that is?-”, Sounding frustrated he come right out with it, “Priscilla, you’re mothers dead!” he had been so annoyed at her original presumptions that he hadn’t bothered to care about her reaction. The world reeled slowly and painfully, looking alien even with the most familiar objects. Suddenly, An image of a murderer plunging his knife into my mum without guilt or mercy, a smile playing on his face containing cruelty and malice, plunged into my head, wrapping me with its selflessness and remorse. Another image forced itself into my head, it was an innocent victim; my mother, being wiped out in her car carelessly by a P plate driver. Image after image came of her death, hitting me ruthlessly with guilt and sorrow being mixed into the retaining image in my head, like a gooey cake mixture you mix in a tiny mixing bowl. I was so caught up in these images that I only just realised someone was disturbing my thoughts by shouting my name and shaking me by the shoulders, “What are you doing? Get off me!” I shouted with a bit of hysteria in my voice, while shoving him off me and taking several steps back. “Priscilla I need to take you home”, “NO YOU DON’T! LEAVE ME ALONE! There is no such thing as home anymore for me” I replied putting as much acid in my voice for the last sentence. “Priscilla, I know how you feel, and I am here to help” he said calmly taking a step forward before I screamed out, “HOW WOULD YOU KNOW WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH! HOW DARE YOU THINK YOU UNDERSTAND ME! You do not know the meaning of pain”. With the last words escaping my lips I turned around and ran, not bothering to pay attention to the voice shouting after me, it was just a bee buzzing in my ear. I ran and ran and ran, I didn’t care where or what would happen, my brain was focusing on only one thing at the moment and probably only had the capacity to focus on one thing alone. How could I have been such a selfish, careless idiot, the child without the soul to feel or recognise other people’s emotions and need’s? I thought I had everything anyone could ever have wished for and wanted, and now I have lost the one thing I can never replace, not in a million years, not with all my possessions in the world and especially not with a clone or a robot; nothing can ever replace the love we feel.