Say Goodbye

• Rosie Matthews, Grade 9
• Short Story
• 2009

I gripped Emma’s hand like it was a grenade. I felt like time had stopped all together. I couldn’t see. No longer could I see the big antique wooden desk in front of us or the big grey filing cabinet to our left. The only thing stopping me from disappearing into the blackness was Emma’s sweaty palm. Even though there was a slight hint of déjà vu, this experience, this blackness was new. I didn’t know how much more I could take.
Suddenly, I could hear footsteps and then I abruptly came out of the state of darkness as the door slammed shut.
“Well….?” Emma asked bravely. She was putting on a brave face but inside I knew she was scared, how she longed for this man’s answer to be different.
“I’m afraid, it is not possible with your disease.”
I knew Emma and I felt the same. Not like our stomachs have dropped, it was as though they had disappeared altogether. My eyes closed and I didn’t believe they would ever open again.
Trust me, they opened again. Three months later Emma was actually scared that they would never shut because my expression was so full of shock and disbelief. That was then, this was now. The past nine months were a struggle. Emma had a disease that meant she had a one in 3.5 million chance of getting pregnant. She was that one. That isn’t as amazing as it sounds. There is no one in an anything chance that Emma would survive giving birth with her disease.
I tried to talk her out of it but here I am. She is breathing steadily where as I barely can remember how. She has been sleeping for hours where as I am wide-awake, just watching the seconds tick by. I am just lying here, waiting, next to her, in a pool of my own flooding tears.
It was time. The doctor gave me the nod. I lent forward and kissed her. Our lips locked for the last time. I knew that she was about to make the biggest sacrifice for our baby but it just didn’t seem real. I didn’t want to pull away. Emma finally wrenched her head away and there were tears full of sorrow streaming down her face. I tried really hard to contain my self but when Emma whispered, I love you, in my ear I just melted to the ground and couldn’t control the heartbroken tears. As I lay on the ground feeling sick to my stomach and bawling my eyes out they took her away. That was the hardest thing I had to do, say goodbye.
I don’t know how long I lay there, it could have been seconds or days later but a nurse came in and woke me. I must have cried myself to sleep. She sat me up and placed this new life in arms and I erupted into tears again, tears of joy.
“Hello baby, no, hello Emma.”