Saying the Wrong Things

• Jade Millerd
• Short Story
• 2005

I had always seemed to say the wrong things, all the time. Especially when talking to someone that I liked.

His eyes had always been bright, but they seemed to darken as he spoke about who liked me... why? Did he not like that fact or was I just misinterpreting what his eyes told me?

"I don't know." I shrugged, "I don't believe you saying I'm popular with guys." All I wanted at that moment is to talk about something different, but the curious nature of me decided otherwise. "Why do you care anyway?"

"I don't." He looked away and I felt horrible. If he didn't care then why did he mention it? "I was happy for you." He smiled at me, "Congrats is all."

"Oh." I hoped I didn't sound as depressed as I felt, I looked away for a moment before turning back. "Thank you... I think." I sighed feeling pathetic. I shouldn't have thought...

“What is it? Are you okay? Did I say something wrong?” He looked at me concerned and the urge to tell the truth was overwhelming, but I couldn’t. Not to him. Not to anyone.

“Huh? I’m fine…” I smiled at him to try to reassure him, “You didn’t say anything. I was just thinking of some things is all… and I just… well… I hate hurting people.” My eyes widened, I did NOT just say that. “Um… forget I said anything. Please? I really, really, really shouldn’t of… Gah! Why don’t I think before I speak?!” Why didn’t I pause and think my answer through? Why didn’t I just stop talking after I told him I was fine? Why do I always make people worry? I’m not worth any of it… not one bit.

He put a hand on my shoulder looking extremely worried. Don’t, stop worrying! I’m not worth it! I’m not worth any of it.

“What’s wrong? What should I forget? Why? What shouldn’t you have done?” The people I know worry too much for their own good. Why do people worry for me? Why do people like me? I’m not worth it! I know I’ll end up hurting someone!

“Nothing… there’s nothing wrong.” I sighed, “It’s nothing… don’t worry. Please don’t worry.” I heard Mum call me and sighed, “Sorry, but I have to go, okay?”

He looked down at me and I really wished I could read his mind. I needed something to help me… I needed at least a small amount of information. Even if it was he hated me… just so I know to stop chasing a wish.

“What? I… I’m worried for you… you know.” He spoke my name after that and I wished so desperately that I could stay with him, but my mother was calling… it was time to leave.

“Don’t be worried.” I said at last, “I’m not worth it.” I faked a smile and hugged him before leaving. I could never tell him the truth. Not to him. Not to anyone.